We all start somewhere....

God entrusted two teenagers to be my parents. My dad was 18 years old, my mom was 37 days away from her 18th birthday, and I was their second child! I could not imagine being a parent of two at that age, so I thank God for giving them the courage to raise us. It was far from a perfect home, but as I look back on my childhood, I can also see the village God appointed over the years to ensure we were well taken of. 

When I was six years old, tragedy struck my family. My uncle Christopher drowned in the backyard swimming pool. I remember feeling the deep sorrow that my grandmother had during that time. I remember seeing his body in the casket at the church and trying to process that I would never see him again, and that made me very sad. As my family tried to progress forward, we were struck by another tragedy two years later: the death of my baby sister. She was just two months old. I remember this morning so clearly, even though I was just 8. That morning, my mom took us to school. My brothers and I went to the big kids section of the building, and my sister was placed on the daycare side. The daycare attendant gave my sister her morning feed and forgot to burp her before laying her down because she got distracted by a crying baby. After a few moments, she ran back to the crib she had laid her down in and saw that she was unresponsive. She called the paramedics, and by the time they arrived, the paramedics said her lungs had already been filled up with milk. I remember reuniting with my mom that evening, and all she could do was weep. My mom was devasted, and she could not stop crying. As a kid, I was overwhelmed emotionally because this was my first little sister, and I only had a very short time with her. Again, I found myself in front of a casket without answers. Shortly after my sister's death, my parents split up, and my mom became a single parent of 3 kids. Trying to be a mom while grieving was not easy, but she tried her best. 

By the time I was in high school, though, the grief finally caught up with me, and I began experiencing anger and despair. My best friend's grandma would take us to church occasionally, and seeds were planted in my heart towards God. Despite all my grandmother had been through, she consistently attended church, and I admired her dedication to God. Occasionally, I would go to church with her and sleep through most of the service but wake up in time for lunch.

By the time I was a senior in high school, I was facing the depth of turmoil within me. I was experiencing depression and lacked purpose in life. I remember the desperation I felt for God, and I longed for his help. I knew that though I didn't know how to communicate with God, somehow He knew what I needed. A memory flashed in my mind about an announcement in the church service months prior about a revival night happening during the week near my aunt's house. I had nothing to lose by going there, so I walked there and made a deal with God. I told Him that I would attend this church service but asked Him not to reveal anything about my life to the churchy people (I'm not sure how I knew God could speak to people).

I later arrived at the church, sat on the balcony, and listened to the evangelist/Pastor teaching. In his message, he paused and said we are here because "God wants to encounter hearts." He began describing what felt like a transcript of my life. Though the Pastor did not know who he was talking to directly, he spoke in faith that the Lord would meet someone in the room in a unique way that night. He waited a second to see if anyone would come to the altar and respond to this unction. No one moved, but my heart was beating fast. 

The preacher continued to preach for a few more minutes. Then he spoke to the Jesus followers in the room and said, "If you have a relationship with Jesus, glance around the room, and the Holy Spirit will highlight someone in the room to you." After that moment, he said before the lights go out, make your way over to them and pray what the Holy Spirit tells you to. I remember being nervous about this moment, and then a male came over and started to pray for me; just like the Pastor, he began praying details of my life story in his prayer, and I began to weep as he prayed. The more He prayed, the lighter I felt. A few moments later, I was led in the prayer of salvation. That night, I encountered a God who knew me by name and revealed himself as the God who saw and cared about me. That night, I gave my heart to Jesus, and 3 months later, I left Miami and joined the United States Navy.

A Heavenly Perspective: Though I was raised by kids trying to raise kids, God shielded me from so much! My parents did not attend church regularly but knew who God was. God took that mustard seed of faith that my parents had and used it to bring awareness to my heart that there is a God. When my mom and dad split up, that split eventually led my mom to a relationship with my Step Dad, who made it a rule in the home that we would go to church as a family whether we wanted to or not (again, more seeds were planted in my heart). I did not like the idea of "having to go to Church." Now, I look back and think about how the hard and good times shaped me into the person I am today. There are parts of my story that I wish had not occurred, but if I had not been through all of that, I don't think I would have become a Christian at the start of my adulthood. I say all that to encourage you; if God could rescue a young girl with a grieving heart, then he can rescue you, too! He loves you more than you can comprehend. If you are walking through a difficult time, He understands and will help you, too; all you have to do is ask Hm.